Here’s a nice post that I came across, about how kids grow fast and then leave to fetch for themselves, leaving a big void at home. This is for all the Mothers out there.
There were days when My home used to be filled with laughter, arguments, fights, jokes and loads of mischief.
Books used to be strewn all over the show. Pens and books all over, and clothes messing the rooms, thrown on the beds.
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I used to shout at them to tidy up their mess.
In the morning:
One will wake up and say:
Maa I can’t find a certain book,I can’t find my perfume.
And the other one will say: Mama where’s my homework,I forgot to complete my homework.
Everyone used to ask about their lost possessions.
And I will say, but take care of your stuff, be responsible, you have to grown up I won’t go with u to your university!
And today I stand at the doorway of each bedroom.
The beds are empty.
All the cupboards have only a few pieces of clothes in them.
And what remains is the smell of memories that lingers in the air.
Each one is special for maybe memories will fill the empty ache in my heart.
All I have now is the memory of their laughs and their mischief and their warm hugs.
Mothers, Don’t deprive yourselves of your kids.
Today my house is clean and organized and everything is in its place, and it is calm and peaceful.
But it is like a desert with no life in it. Do not become angry with your kids about the mess.
One day they will leave you just like they left me.
Every time they come to visit and they spend time with us, when they are ready to leave. They pull their bags and it is as if they tug my heart along with it.
They close the door behind them and then I stand still and think of the many times I shouted them to close the doors.
Here I am today, closing my own doors. Nobody opens it besides me. Each one gone to a different city or a different country.
All left to find their own path in life.
They have grown up and I wished that they could stay with me forever.
Take care of them wherever they are.
Parents need to learn detachment after attachment
When my daughter, the older of my two, wed and left home, I felt a part of me gone.
With a daughter and a son, I know what both mean, differently.
When she was in her teens I felt as if she was my “physical extension” !
So when she left home to set up her own, I felt I lost a limb.
Next time she came to stay with us, I was astonished how her priorities had changed.
We too must’ve given the same shocks to our parents !
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When she said Amma,
she meant her mother-in-law, not me!
I felt she was always in a hurry to go back to her home and not stay on longer for a few extra days.
That was the first time, it dawned on me that I have to start practising detachment with attachment.
Two years after my daughter’s marriage, my son left for the US for higher studies.
Having experienced a child’s separation once, I was better equipped emotionally.
I plunged headlong into various classes from vedanta to ikebana –
I just wanted to be away from home…since my husband was a 24/7 workaholic.
My son used to write how he was missing my home cooked food, how he was waiting to come back to live in Chennai with us.
After a few years, he did come back and we got him married.
He started living separately with his wife and we were also happy that they wanted to be independant from the beginning.
But now, it was all changed !
When in the US, he missed my cooking, now if I called him to come over with his wife for a meal, it was always some excuse like “oh, amma, we have other plans for the day, please don’t mind if we don’t drop in today” !
I could see that his priorities had also changed completely.
We say so many things and give so much advice to others, but when it comes to our own children, acceptance comes very late. Our next step is to just leave them undisturbed
in every way.
It was at that time, that I made the following, my ‘new profile’.
In all my relationships , rather interactions, I give my best and do my best to live up to what I say.
My attachment with my children is complete.
However, I remain detached in the sense that I do not expect them to reciprocate my affection.
Most importantly, I make a conscious effort , not to interfere or pass judgement on the lives they choose to lead.
My concern for my near and dear ones will not fade with my detachment.
If you let go of the ones you love, they will never go away
this is the beauty of attachment with detachment !
I have learnt to love and let go.
This dictum has developed tolerance in me.
When I let people live the way they want to, I learn to accept them for what they are.
Most importantly , I learn to tolerate the world around me and this tolerance brings in me a sense of peace and quiet.
Now I have realised that we start growing mentally much more only after the children leave the house and we have to tackle the emotional vacuum, that arises, along with age-related problems .
I specially dedicate this post to my friends, who are totally dependant on their children’s lives, to nurture their own selves emotionally.
Please develop your own interests, hobbies etc, however mundane they seem to be.
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