School Jokes. Only for those who enjoyed their school life.
Student answers that are wrong, but still right
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Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!
TEACHER : John is climbing a tree to pick some
mangoes. ( Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
Student : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you
Definitely Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!
TEACHER : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
Student: We don’t call them, they come on their own.
TEACHER : How can we keep our school clean?
Student: By staying at home.
English Grammar class.
Teacher: What’s the difference between “He cleans the plate” and “the plate is cleaned by him.”
Student: In first sentence ‘HE’ is not married, but in second sentence ‘He’ is married….
A cute excuse:
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Mom & dad were fighting.
Teacher: So what makes you late if they were fighting?
Student: One of my shoes was in mom’s hand, and the other in dad’s.
A letter from a teacher to a parent:
Dear Parent, Edward doesn’t smell nice in class. Please try to bath him.
Parent’s answer:
Dear Teacher, Edward is not a rose, Don’t smell him,Teach him …..
Mother to Son: Who is Sultan Aziz?
Son : Don’t know
Mother : Devote some time to pay attention to study also
Son to Mother : Do you know Aunty Jennifer?
Mother : Don’t know
Son: Sometimes pay attention to Daddy also
Teacher : What’s wrong ?
John: Our house is very small.
John: My mum, my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, John are you sleeping ? Then I say No & then he slaps my face & gives me a Black eye”
Teacher: Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet. don’t answer. The following morning John comes back with a severe black eye again.
Teacher: My goodness, Why the black eye again?
John: Dad asked me again, John are you sleeping ? I shut up & kept dead still. Then my dad and my mom started moving, you know, at the same time Mum was breathing like a Christmas chicken, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a Hyena on the bed. Then my dad asked my mum, Are you coming ? Mum said, Yes I’m coming, are you coming too? Dad answered:- Yes. They don’t usually go anywhere without me so I said, wait for me, I’m coming too…
How many letters in English Alphabets
So how many letters are there in the English Alphabet?
Want a creative answer? Here’s one!
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Teacher : How many letters are in English Alphabet
Students:
23 Without GST
26 With GST.
Top favourite dialogues of school teachers in India
Take a look at these top dialogues that area favorite of every School Teacher in India, which they regularly use in classrooms for their students.
- If you are not interested then you may leave the class.
- This class is worse than a fish market.
- Are you here to waste your parents money?
- Tell me when you all have finished talking.
- Why are u laughing? Come here n tell us we’ll also
laugh. - Do you think teachers are fools to teach you?
- Don’t try to act oversmart with me.
- Why do u come to school when you don’t want to study.
- The previous batch was 100 times better than yours.
- If you want to talk then u may get out from the class.And the best one
. - You yes you… I am talking to you only, don’t look back..
Those awkward days in schools during Exams
Do you still remember those awkward days in schools during Exams?
When a bright student tells the invigilator that question 4 has a problem, but you have already answered it…
When a fellow student asks for a graph paper, but you are finished and did not see anywhere where it was required…
When the invigilator says jump question 6 we will rectify it later, but it was the question you enjoyed most when answering…
When you see people busy using rulers and you are wondering what is going on…
When you hear your friends arguing after the exam whether the answer to question 5 was 35.5% or 36.5% and your answer was 1800
The cream. When the other students asked for 4-5 additional answer sheets and You had two pages empty in the main answer sheet
See where you have reached in life inspite of those moments…things are not permanent…enjoy life!
Importance of 35
Pandu was playing a cricket match. When his individual score reached 35, he took his helmet off, pointed his bat at the stadium and looked at the sky.
His partner was surprised.
“you have not reached a fifty or a hundred, the team has not crossed a milestone, so why are you so excited at reaching 35?”
Paandu : only someone who always struggled in studies knows the importance of 35″
National Monuments
Teacher : What is India Gate ?
Student : Basmati Rice
Teacher : What is Charminar ?
Student : Cigarettes
Teacher : What is Taj Mahal ?
Student : Tea, Sir !
Teacher : You stupid boy 😡…You have made a joke of all our National Monuments. You have failed the test. Get your father’s signature tomorrow.
.
.
Next day Student comes to class and puts a giftwrapped parcel on the Teacher’s table.
Teacher : What is this ?
Student : Signature, Sir.
You had asked for my father’s signature. I have brought you his whole bottle.🍾
The teacher is very happy and hugs him and said चल पागल… रूलादिया… जा पास होगाया तू….😜😄😂
Life begins after college (Meme)
Most students think (or are told) that they have to slog only when in Class X and XII, However, we all know that the reality is quite different.
Here’s a nice meme (cartoon) that shows life begins after college.
Life lesson meme (hindi)
बहुत दिनों बाद स्कूल के सामने से निकला तो स्कूल ने पूछा
“मुझसे तो तू बहुत परेशान था,अब ये बता कि जिंदगी के इम्तहान कैसे चल रहे हैं ???
Translated in English, it says…”I went past my school and my school asked me ‘you were always worried about the exams which were conducted in school, now that you are grown up, tell me how you are faring in the exams of life.
Punishments in School: Perspective Matters
Today when I look back at what I learned during my formidable days of schooling, I see the so called punishments from my beloved teachers as great learning in life.
Here ar few example :
1. Stand up on the bench –
Take a holistic view, look at the big picture
2. Stand with hands up –
Aim high, reach higher
3. Stand facing the wall –
Introspection
4. Stand outside the class –
Learn through observation, take a world view
5. Kneel down –
Humility
6. Murga Bano (stress position used as a corporal punishment in parts of South Asia) –
Physical endurance
7. Clean the blackboard –
Forget and forgive, start with a fresh slate
8. Finger on your lips –
Boast less
9. Hold your ears –
Listen more
10. Touch your toes –
Be flexible
11. Write down a line 25 times –
Work towards perfection
12. Detained after school – Don’t join the rat race…
Be exclusive.
Perspective matters!!
Teachers’ negative remarks on kids (funny)
Now a days teachers are not allowed to say or write anything negative… A few interesting letters from teachers to get around this……. I loved every one of them😉
.
Dear Parent,
We are delighted to inform you that your child displays remarkable initiative. Not for him the simple-minded obedience to teachers. We refer to his admirable refusal to do homework. We have, however, humbly requested him to stoop to our level and condescend to do his homework. Your support is appreciated.
Yours anxiously,
Teacher
Dear Parent,
Your child’s distaste for mundane subjects such as mathematics shows an imaginative mind. Why, he wonders, does the square of the hypotenuse have to be equal to the square of the other two sides in a right-angled triangle? It is no wonder that he has scored a splendid zero in his math exam. Unfortunately, even brilliant students have to pass exams. Could you gently break that news to him?
Yours entreatingly,
Teacher
Dear Parent,
We are pleased your child has one of the same qualities that Henry Ford, the founder of the Ford Motor Company, possessed. Like him, your son believes that history is bunk. But it may be best to disabuse him of the notion that the Mughal emperors were Amar, Akbar and Anthony.
Yours beseechingly,
Teacher
Dear Parent,
Your child submitted a blank paper for last week’s science test, influenced perhaps by Albert Camus who said ‘Whether the earth or the sun revolves around the other is a matter of profound indifference’. Your son shares that profound indifference, undoubtedly for philosophical reasons. But could you inform him that in order to study philosophy, he has to pass class eight first?
Yours plaintively,
Teacher
Dear Parent,
Your son has obviously read Friedrich Nietzsche’s Beyond Good and Evil, which is why he was copying from the boy next to him during yesterday’s test. Like Nietzsche, he believes that Supermen like him have little use for conventional notions of morality. The teacher who caught him copying is a conventional type who gave him a zero.
Yours desperately,
Teacher
Dear Parent,
We are impressed by your child’s knowledge of martial arts. In the past month, he has broken two legs, four arms and three noses. He also shows prudence while fighting, taking care to pick on weaker boys. For some reason, however, the fathers of the boys who were beaten up are planning to go to your home with hockey sticks.
Yours wretchedly,
Teacher
Stay away from Mommy when she’s drunk
The Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff. But then the teacher realised that only Janie was left. “Janie, do you have a story to share ?’
”Yes madam……My daddy told me a story about my Mom. She was a marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was
a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets,
killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
.
Pin drop silence in the class !!
.
”Good Heavens,’ said
the horrified teacher. ‘What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?
“Stay away from Mommy when
she’s drunk……!!!!”
4 Ladies Meet 30 Years After School at Reunion
4 friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion…..
One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how
successful their sons became.
No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich
he gave his best friend a ferrari.
No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so
rich he gave his best friend a jet.
No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development
company, became so rich he build his best friend a castle.
No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.
They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became
and asked her about her son.
She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.
The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not
becoming successful.
” Oh no !! ” said the Lady, he is doing good.
” Last week on his birthday he got a ferrari, a jet and a castle from
3 of his boyfriends…” .
All the 3 Ladies fainted ….:) 🙂
( This joke won an award for the Best Joke in a competition held in Britain.)
School Get Together Joke
Son: Dad there’s a small get together at school tomorrow !!!
Father: small get together.? ..how small
Son: only me…you…and principal …
What is common about classmates
Principal asked one student to come on stage and talk something common about his classmates.
Student (on stage): Hey guys, Isn’t it crazy that all our parents conceived in the same year. 😂😂
Principal: Neeche Uttar (Get down)..😜🤣😂
Uneducated father with educated son on camping trip (joke)
An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father- Look up to the sky and tell me what you see.
Son- I see millions of stars.
Father- And what does that tell you?
Son- Astronomically, it tells that there are millions of galaxies and planets.
Father slaps the son hard and says- “Idiot, someone has stolen our tent”
MORAL:
Too much education can spoil our common sense. 🙂 🙂
Funny questions asked by a student regarding reservation policy
Reply provided to a student who posed a question to the Reservation Panel – GOI, in wake of the new reservation policy of government of India:
*Question posed*:
My dad is working in a MNC with annual income of 70 lakhs, my mother is a home maker. I have passed 10th and am willing to secure a medical seat. If my parents get divorced and I start living with my single mother, will I be eligible to avail 10% quota for poor?? After securing the seat my parents plan to remarry.
*Answer by Reservation Panel Officer, Govt. Of India*:
You are in 11th class, you still have more than one year to plan for divorce of your parents, when you take up online submission of NEET form, when you will be required to upload your mom’s documentation as a single mother. Your parents should time their divorce accordingly. Yes, you will be eligible to avail 10% quota for poor, provided your mom’s annual alimony amount is below 8 lakhs. But in case you have further plans to secure MD/MS under 10% quota for poor, advise them to postpone the plan of getting remarried till then.
And, thank you for bringing the loophole to our notice. On a personal note, I think – instead of doing medicine, you should join Politics.
Jokes on School Toppers
Arkya Chatterjee from Kolkata topped ISC 12 exams by scoring 99.75%, and said he was Sad, because he missed 1 mark in ENGLISH.
These are the comments he got for the page that published it on facebook, some of which are absolutely hilarious. Welcome to internet.
1. Don’t publish this fact in newspaper. We have parents to answer
2. Itna to mere phone ka battery bhi charge nahi hota…
3. Ye ladka kalpanic hai iska vastav se koi sambandh nhi hai
4. Badhai ho….par aaj 8 saal ho gaye mere XII k results ko, aaj fir daant padi.
5. apsara pencil se likha ho tha to 0.25% bhi mil jate………extra marks for good hand writing
6. Tu roadie nahi banega..U dont give ur 100% – Raghu
6. Mere purre graduation k 3 saal ka total bhi itna nai jitna tu ek exam mein laya hai kaminey..
7. Not a big deal…His tutor is Rajnikant
8. Congrats dude, you are the reason my parents have so many expectations.
9. Itna toh dettol, kitanu nai maarta…
10. See Arkya Chatterjee i dnt knw wat tough times u wuld hav gone thru.. lekin beta is tarah se padhaai pe gussa nahi nikalte..!!
11. Main toh agar apna paper khud check karta toh bhi itna marks nahi la paata”
12) Itne marks me to Garib ke 3-3 bache pass ho jate hain😉
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